Sunday, September 04, 2005

How to Write a Post With A Stupid Ending

I have a new neighbor. Through a series of almost discernable hand gestures, it was communicated that she needed an opinion as to a contemporary form of orchestral conducting in what I believe to be 17/8 metre, allegro agitato con amore. First guess being rather on the side of the incorrect, I went to the second possibilty of needing help in setting up her new home theatre system. Bingo.

Whoa boy. The room was a mass of white. Everywhere. Glass vials of what I imagine to be perfume lining the room, and leading to a neatly stacked pile of Vogue Magazines. I didn't know if I was entering a room or a catwalk. To be safe, I did my posing routine, of course. Summer season, old PFS T-shirts. The critics went wild. After which, t'was easy enough to set up the machine.

An hour later as I was rushing to get to work, knock knock again. Neighbour uses one of the, oh, dozen combined words we actually both can understand, when she says, "Pioneer". My first guess was this was a tribute to my pioneering skills in viola jazz playing, but deflating my ego for a moment the more rational possibility was a reference to the brand of her sound system. Either that, or "pine for fear!" which should have made me wonder if the large chopping knives she kept were so shiny for a reason. By putting up a highly competitive 19/4 flick-wave-tennis-backhand conducting pose, I managed to get her to understand that I was late for work. Or highly physchotic. Either would do, and I was allowed to resume putting on clothes.

I came back from work as she opened the door. I asked, "would you like some help now?" to which she smiled, and said, "Yes, I sleep." And closed the door. Hmm.

Today the message was a little clearer, "No FM!" which led me to that little copy of Willie Wonka's TV Room. And while fiddling around with various hand imitations of windmills and rugby referees, found it hilarious when we finally got a signal when I stuck my finger in the FM radio port. And slightly worrying when she did the same and got no result.

The end.


eg9 said...

i protest! this article has not explained, delineated, educated or otherwise initiated me upon the intricacies of writing a post with a stupid ending! I demand my money back!


AF said...

Will endeavour to provide thee with even stupider endings, and clearer maps to them, indicating where X marks the spot, and there isn't a gas station for miles. :P

eg9 said...

for some reason that reminds me of a Roald Dahl story I started reading and didn't get to finish...