More made-up headlines on the heat:
BRITISH TOURIST SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTS
Bayan Lepas, Tues. - British tourist Randalf O'Brien scoffed at the notion that wearing Hezmet suits on vacation in Southeast Asia was recommended for those from colder areas of the world. On arrival at Penang's International Airport he fainted from the heat, and spontaneously combusted before he hit the floor. "Well, he was warned," said a airport security officer, on the condition of anonymity. "On he positive side, he had chocolate bars in his pocket. Our sniffer dogs don't often get the chance to slurp hot cocoa."
RESIDENTS WARNED OF FLATULENCE
Penang, Weds. - Penang residents have been issued a Class 1 Flatulence Warning because of soaring heat. "People are warned that the high temperatures may cause the ignition of expelled bodily gasses," said Yew Ken Fat, the Chairman of the Flat U Learn Association (FULA!). "We strongly recommend restricting flatulence to air-conditioned spaces."