What's in a name?

It all started when we were on the way to KL and I realized that we passed Lembah Beringin before hitting Bukit Beruntung and I thought that in between the two would be the perfect place to put a casino. Which, by the way, they are building in Singapore:


All that construction for a place to put your chips on chance and yell "PICTURE!" in hopes that you'll make more money out of luck than out of work. By the same people who brought us Genting - that's right, Malaysians. Contrast that with the snail-like pace of the extension of the Penang Bridge, which only carries people to and from work on a daily basis - also, most would say, also at a snail-like pace.

Anyway, after that it seems that I had an inclination to note the names people tend to give places, particularly businesses.

Picking the name of an opera has potential for adding a touch of class, one would think. The bakery named La Boheme - well, I have no idea what that's about. But the one above seemed well thought out; it's charming considering it was near a butterfly expo, and the clothes on sale were distinctly oriental. The only thing is, would you buy someone a dress named after a character who commited harakiri?

Complimenting a potential customer is so yesterday. To gain an edge today you have to be original.


And sometimes being original is provocative in every sense. However, one has to be careful when deciding whether the name of a place is meant to provoke or reflect.


Here, it's hard to say whether that's what they're selling, the customers they hope to attract, or perhaps, a warning to how you'll smell after a vintage steak from 1989.

It's a tough economy and sometimes one has to look to divine intervention when looking to light up the store:


But the best sample I got was from the name of a road. Civic consciousness is always admirable, and the promotion of personal hygeine is part of that. Which includes washing one's clothes, even - or perhaps, especially - lingerie:


For those who don't speak Malay, "basah" means "wet"... and what I didn't realize at first was that "bras" is actually short for "beras" which means "rice".

Ironik, you know, terbalik

As the song goes: isn't it ironic?


In other news:


If you look closely at the second line, it actually says: "Dry your head upside down for pure body and control."

So THAT's what I've been doing wrong all this while.

What's in a Name?

Apparently something, considering the scores of Obama supporters - now President-elect Obama supporters - who defused the malapropism of his middle name by adding it to their own on Facebook. So John Doe became John Hussein Doe.

Names do matter, in terms of heritage anyway. Apparently there's an aircraft carrier named after a John McCain - one of the two admirals in generations before. Hillary Clinton certainly got mileage from an already presidential surname, and we're still in an era where political dynasties have their pull, from the Kennedys and the Bushes to our own relations of prime ministers, the one time inflation is a good thing for certain peopled named Hishamuddin, Khairy, Mukriz and even Najib.

I get a feeling the Americans had a thing with the running mates too. You start off with Obama and you add in a Biden and bing bang you get a Bobama. Sounds like it has a tinge of Jamaica and a slice of basketball, or the kind of word you'd use when you mean Eureka! but don't quite have the Greek heritage to pull it off. That's where McCain went wrong with Palin. Somehow he ended up being a McPain, which at the very least sounded like a McDonald's ad gone somewhat sour. And I'm not talking Prosperity Burger sour either. Should have gone with Romney. McRain, Rainmain, McMan, the list goes on.

Let's face it, a rose any other name may have smelled just as sweet, but a person who's had some experience would think twice before he smells something called a bunga tahi ayam, wouldn't he?

Chomp Chomp Munch Munch

A friend of mine had his Facebook status as a Forest Gumpism: "Life is like a box of chocolates."

And I replied, "You never know which of them are from China."

Mixed Messages

As I was on the road recently, I reaffirmed my belief in accurate advertising. Let's take a look at this:


It shows a happy baker, with his hands open wide. Like he's happy to see you, come eat my bread! Or like he's showing you - look, my hands are clean, really!

So it's not surprising that it's part of advertising a food product:



And guess what; you can even eat it on its own. How about that. Then I found this:


Cute, right? Represents vitality, life, all things natural. Right?


Wrong.

P.S. For non-Malaysian readers, "buangan berbahaya" means "hazardous waste".

Supersports

I miss my old Innovation Friday posts, they were my authorized – or at least rationalized – hiatuses (hiati? haiti?) from reality. In their absence, I’ll just have to lean on the indulgence of my readers – oddly enough, especially the people I’ve dated over the years who just about all seem to take my buat lawak moments with a “uh-huh” look.

In every field, innovation is essential. New designs for string instruments look like something from a house of mirrors, and the cloning of Dolly (the sheep, not the Parton) ensures that we will soon have the ability to have the literally exact same delectable lamb chop we had last week. Sports should have the same progressive spirit, and not in the sense that squash (raquetball) is not an Olympic sport, but the trampoline is. Here are just some things that could open the world’s eyes to developments in the field.

1. Two handed badminton: before you balk, remember how cool Darth Maul was.

2. Battery-operated shuttlecocks: particularly attractive for Snitch-chasing Quidditch fans.

3. Live hand grenade badminton: military issue, with every game ending in Sudden Death. I think it would do wonders for motivation.

4. I think diving needs new challenges. Let’s see you do those acrobatic stunts while scuba diving.

5. Volleyball and hockey have had their progressive moments. Now all they need is to learn from each other: beach hockey and ice volleyball.

6. Almost every ball game – volleyball, golf, football, croquet – should have a version with bowling balls.

7. Bowling with storm drains – and you have to recover your own balls that end up in the gutter.

Don't Play Play

You may have heard a while back that Malaysia sent a man into space. Or, we sent a guy to Russia to be sent into space.

I heard that in celebration of Malaysian culture our ambassador to the stars brought two things onto the spaceship. Traditional batik wear... and the game of congkak. I tried to check with the government website, but got a page that it was under construction.

Now, for those who are unfamiliar with the term - congkak is a traditional game that is similar in principle to the mancala. It's a charming thing because it's easy to learn, has a certain level of strategy and one can use rocks when one has lost one's marbles. This is pic from Warisan Budaya Malaysia:


Nice, right? Now, I really do believe that if you want a budaya Malaysia you're going to start with games and the young. I personally have fond memories of congkak and carrom, especially with my Malay cousins in Batu Caves.

The thing is, like I said it's a game of strategy. You make choices of which hole to start with and depending on the distribution of marbles, you can end up with more in your "home", thus winning the game.

In space though, I imagine that there will be a much tougher strategy: finding out how to not hang on to your marbles in a zero-gravity environment. Kind of like playing beach volleyball in Greenland.

I know there's the whole Malaysia Boleh thing, but I would have thought that there was a far more logical choice of Malaysian culture. Let's think - what would be a great thing to have where things just float around? Browsing through our Warisan website might just give a clue...

Innovation Friday: What IF Concerts Were Run By Airlines?

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, to Flight SYM 1157 non-stop from Bach to Bond. Today’s program features requiems and funeral marches, in our concert theme of Now Everyone Can Die. Our conductor today is Captain Jet Dominant and our associate conductor is… ah, well, who remembers associate conductors anyway. Please focus your attention to our safety demonstration by people cuter than those you are likely to see on stage, with the exception being our harpist, of course. Please ensure all electronic devices are switched off for the duration of our program as it may interfere with the navigational equipment on stage. Singing in the toilets will set off the alarm.

Please fasten your safety belts and keep them fastened throughout the flight. If for whatever reason e.g. the lower brass, we experience turbulence these oxygen masks will pop down from above. Please fasten them onto yourself before attending to young ones under your care, and please note that children under five are not allowed in the concert hall and will have to be stowed in the overhead compartments or under the seat in front of you.

In the case of a Water Music landing, life jackets are under your seats. If the soloist is particularly out of tune, here is a whistle to attack attention. If you would like to inflate yourselves in the manner of our guest prima donna’s ego, tug on this string. For further inflation, good luck.

The cabin lights will be dimmed for the concert, and if you choose to read your program booklets please switch on the overhead lights. If your ears feel under pressure, have a drink and wait for your ears to pop.

Food and beverages will be served shortly after the overture, but please remember that food and drinks are not allowed to be consumed in the concert hall. The temperature on stage is slightly warm with a hint of rain. If you would actually like to listen to the concert, or something else more pleasant, ask our stewards and stewardesses for headphones. We hope you enjoy our musical flights of fancy.”