Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Bubble Gum Ain't Fattening

Only in Singapore... is bubble gum illegal. I had no idea that bubble gum could even be called a flavour. If it's popular, maybe they'll have spin-offs like "strawberry bubble-gum flavoured ice-cream".

I went to say hello to my old university lecturers yesterday. Especially the ever sharp-witted Dr Hamima Dona, who everyone fears, but I personally hold as a favourite:

Dr Hamima: You're certainly getting fat.
Me: More to love-mah
At this point, most people would take it as a hint and leave it at that. Not Dr Hamima though, which is what makes her so her...
Dr Hamima: But who's going to love you?
Me: You mah...
Dr Hamima: Humph.

With people like her it's really fine, seriously. But with some relatives I tell you, it's downright malicious. I'm a 34". It's not the end of the world, ok.

To the relatives, I have a list of things I want to say in reply, but just haven't found the guts to burn bridges. I have them here in order of increasing likability:

1. "Congratulations. I know you've been really anticipating a promotion to Weight Watchers District Leader. Should I salute?"
2. "As far as I know, it's still in line with our federal Constitution."
3. This one's not mine, but I really like it: "Well, I'm sorry you have a problem with it, coz I don't." A personal version of it would be somewhere along the lines of: "Well, some people think it's an issue worth talking about. And some people just don't. Guess which one I am?" Especially effective if the redundant question is said in a tone usually reserved for infants.
4. "You know what they say. There's good cholesterol... and bad manners." I'm so tempted to use this one.
5. Likewise for this one: "It's not like you've shrunk, either." Classic.
6. "Ah, but between your situation and mine, one has to ask: which is more expensive - botox or liposuction?"

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